Life
Peter Max: Peace, Love, God, and Thought
Maura and I had a wonderful twentieth anniversary day in town this year - we both have a lot going on so we decided to delay any travel until things calm down a bit. We played hooky yesterday, taking the streetcar to the River Market to wander around. Our primary destination was one of our favorite places in the city - https://rivermarketantiquemall.com. Sometimes we don’t find anything we can’t live without, but yesterday we both found several potential treasures to bring home. We both decided on something from the same cabinet. She fell in love with a couple of Russian ceramic pieces, both of them a man and a woman wearing brightly colored clothes and holding little dogs. They reminder her of pieces we’ve seen at the Museum of International Folk Art in Santa Fe. She had a hard time deciding on one couple so I told her to get both; she didn’t argue. I found four little books by one of my favorite artists, Peter Max and Swami Sivananda. Published in 1970 by William Morrow & Co., Inc. They are simply beautiful books with writing by Sivananda on one side and a complimentary Max illustration on the other. Here are the covers:
I think the book called “Thought” is my favorite. Maura and I had a little happy hour in the River Market at Brown and Loe and while we were waiting on our drinks and appetizer (the Baked Pimento Cheese — OMG), we both read though a couple of the books and I found myself getting chills and tearing up a little. These books, written in 1970, feel so timely right now considering everything going on in the world and in my life. It felt like the Universe giving me a gift. Here are a couple passages and the accompanying image:
Thoughts are bricks with which character is built. Character is not born. It is formed. Man’s thoughts are the architects of his circumstances.
Whatever you think is a boomerang. If you hate another, hate will come back to you. If you love others, love will come back to you. Therefore, understand the laws of thought. Raise only thought of mercy, love and kindness from your mind and be happy always.
I’ve been a fan of Peter Max’s psychedelic art for years. I fell in love with him when I first laid eyes on some posters my dad had hanging in his office at the music store he owned, the Music Box, in NKC, MO. I would spend hours contemplating his artwork. I definitely had favorites. The posters were from a poster book he produced in 1970 both in a softbound version and a limited edition, signed hardbound edition. My dad had removed many of them and hung them in the main office of the store, among other more crass, Xerox copied, cartoons that initially confused me (were they meant to be funny?) When I went away to college, after the store had shuttered, he gave me the posters, remembering how much I liked looking at them. I, of course, plastered my dorm room with them. I think I still have some of them, but they aren’t in very good shape at this point. I would love to find a copy of the poster book in good shape! I’m not sure what spoke to me in the illustrations initially, I loved the colors, the patterns, and the otherworldliness of them. My favorite, by far, was Cosmic Window:
The piece draws you in immediately; I love the sense of looking into another world, of escape, of a mystical world, ripe for exploration.
I didn’t even know these little meditative books existed, and yet, on the day we decided to skip out on our responsibilities and spend some quality time together, there they were, just waiting to be discovered. I’ve spent the last several months reinventing myself, exploring who I think I am versus who I want to be and working on the discrepancies. I’ve been realigning the course of my life. Some days it takes more effort than others; it feels like a giant ocean tanker with a wide steering radius. Other days feel easy and perfectly aligned with the Universe like the day Maura and I had together, several wonderful things happened that just continued to make our day. A woman at Brown and Loe came inside from the patio and just had to stop to tell us that she LOVED our style in a very genuine, humorous, self effacing way. It was nice to hear and kind of adorable. After we finished our dinner, the waitress brought us a small gift — a bottle of wine to take home with words and hearts written all over it to celebrate our anniversary. One more quote from Sivananda and occupying Max image, from the book “Love”:
There is no virtue higher than love; there is no treasure higher than love; there is no knowledge higher than love; there is no religion higher than love; there is no truth higher than love. My dear child of love, tread the path of love. This is your highest duty. You have taken this body to achieve love, which alone is the goal of life.
I know these aren’t new ideas, but we could really use them right now. There’s something meaningful about finding these books and holding them right now. T They are beautiful reminders from an artist who shaped how I see the world — words written fifty years ago that feel written specifically for right now. Maybe that’s what the Universe does when you’re paying attention.
Movin' Right Along
My wife Maura and I recently went to visit a good friend in a nearby town, about 45 minutes away. As we drove out of our neighborhood, she commented on a house that’s being built. She said, “Moving right along”, which triggered a song in my head “Moving Right Along” by Kermit and Fozzy of The Muppets. Since we were on the road, I thought it would be a great time to listen to the original Muppet Move Soundtrack. It’s such a great, upbeat and positive soundtrack and I love every bit of it.
I know this will date me, but I remember watching that movie in the theater when I was a kid and just feeling so inspired and empowered, especially when the giant Animal emergesfrom the building in the background to save the day. As silly as the Muppet Movie was, it had a pure spirit, a powerful message about following your dreams and the perpetual fight against those that want to keep us down. I remember walking out of the theater feeling 100 feet tall (like Animal was!) Even now when I hear the music or watch the movie it brings me right back to those feelings.
Those feelings were reawakened in high school when one of my English teachers introduced me to Joseph Campbell. I internalized his idea of “follow your bliss” — essentially, if you do what makes you truly happy, things will work out. I don’t know how much I believe in fate or destiny, but sometimes the Universe sends unmistakable messages. Two Bit Consulting is growing at a good pace. Good things are in motion. I feel more centered and excited for the future than I have in a long time. Hearing Maura say those words, having it trigger that song and the feelings and memories that came with it felt like the Universe confirming the momentum. I’m moving right along.
Happy 50th Birthday Apple
Apple was founded 50 years ago today which has me thinking about my relationship with technology and specifically Apple. My first personal computer was a Macintosh IIfx with 80MB of storage. I remember wondering what I was going to do with ALL THAT SPACE! There’s no way I would ever use it all. I also remember surfing the Internet (via AOL, IRC, Usenet, etc.) with a book to read while things loaded. How far we have come! That IIfx sparked a curiosity and passion in me that I had only experienced a few times before. I had used a Mac Classic in high school and college and was fascinated by what they could do, what they meant for me and for society even then. I had also used old PCs before that, but the Mac was approachable and friendly; it was nowhere near as intimidating to use and explore. I have always loved to push the limits of what technology can do and explore every nook and cranny of each device and piece of software I encounter. Apple made it fun to create and connect with others; I met some pretty great people in IRC channels back in the day some of whom I’m still in touch with! Computers made it much easier to find your tribe, especially for the shy introvert that I was back then.
That’s part of the inspiration for the name of my website, Something Out of Nothing. I love the idea that you can sit down at a blank screen and just start creating, whether it’s a journal entry, a book, a website for your new business, a piece of music, or a whole album. Computers offer so much potential to impact humanity in so many positive ways and Apple capitalized on that in the best possible way. I still love to explore technology and its capabilities and I love to be able to share that experience with others in ways that they can understand. This is a huge part of why I do what I do; both the love of technological exploration and the pull to help others use it to improve their lives, workflows, creativity, and connections to the world. Apple’s introduction of the Macintosh and all the life changing, society changing products and services released since helped me to discover who I was: the explorer, the builder, the connector. Years later, I’m still all three. Happy birthday Apple and thank you for the inspiration.
Starting Something New: Two Bit Consulting
Today I launched a website. Wait, that sentence feels smaller than it should, let me try again.
A couple of months ago, after twenty years of working in technology at KCAI, most recently eight years as Director of Campus Technology, I found myself without a full-time job for the first time in a long time. While I’ve been helping folks with IT stuff outside of KCAI for many years, it hasn’t been an official business with its own identity. After taking a couple of weeks to come to terms with what happened, I decided I needed a project to sink my teeth into; that’s how Two Bit Consulting came to exist.
What nobody tells you about losing a job you loved is how much of yourself goes with it. Not just the work, but the identity. The morning routine. The sense of being needed, of having a place where your particular set of skills and experience actually matters. I didn’t realize how much of who I was had been wrapped up in what I did until it was gone. Getting that back, or building a new version of it, has been the real work of the last several weeks.
What I missed most was the actual work. Digging into a problem. Figuring out why something wasn’t working and making it right. Helping someone understand their technology instead of just fighting it. That feeling when a project comes together and the person on the other end of it is genuinely better off than they were before. I missed that more than I expected to.
Two Bit Consulting is, in part, my answer to that. It’s real work, IT support, fractional IT leadership, web design that Maura and I have been doing in pieces for years. Making it official felt like taking back some ownership over who I am and what I do, independent of whoever is signing my paycheck.
I want to be clear about what this is and isn’t. It’s not a pivot. I’m still actively looking for the right full-time opportunity in technology leadership. The job search is ongoing. Some days it’s harder than others. But having something concrete to build and point to has made the in-between feel less like waiting and more like working.
If you know of a technology leadership role that might be a good fit, I’m genuinely grateful for the introduction. And if you or someone you know needs their technology to actually work, or a website that looks like it was made on purpose, that’s what Two Bit is here for.
twobit-consulting.com - I had fun building it. Poke around, there are a few easter eggs to be found. One hint: Konami code.
What Was Missing
It’s been a couple of months since leaving my last job. I’d been keeping busy - learning things I hadn’t had time for, helping a few people out with tech issues - and I knew my routines had changed. What I hadn’t consciously registered was what was actually missing.
Yesterday I looked up from what I was working on and realized several hours had passed without me noticing.
That’s when it hit me.
I miss problem solving. I miss helping people figure out their technology. I miss losing time to something that makes a difference. I miss having an issue gnaw at my brain for days and then - seemingly out of nowhere - the solution arriving almost fully formed, like it had been working on itself the whole time.
I needed the break; I don’t regret it. But that moment yesterday reminded me who I am and what I’m built for - and while I’m still looking for the right full-time role, I’m not waiting around to scratch that itch.
More soon.
Processing Emotions
Early last week I made a decision as soon as I woke up that I would spend the day embracing all the negative emotions around my current job situation, like giving in to the Dark Side. I spent the day pissed off and miserable. I made those around me miserable; that was mainly my wife - I was getting on her nerves by mid-day. My somewhat conscious logic was to deal with the emotions all at once, get it out of my system and begin the process of moving on. They had been a lingering undercurrent for the past several weeks and I was tired of feeling them. I walked around the house all day saying F this, F them, F that, I even cussed out my dogs if they looked at me funny, which they often do. I felt sad, angry, like a failure, like I had no future, I embraced it all; I was getting angry about being angry.
The next day, I woke up in the best mood. I was super motivated to start the online classes I had signed up for, I started thinking about other career paths that I could create for myself. I sent several emails to my network and chatted with a few people about potential opportunities. It worked! The funny thing is, I’ve felt so much better since that Dark Side day. I’m les stressed, happier than I’ve been in ages, and full of hope for the future. I had become so used to carrying that stress and those negative emotions without dealing with it that it had become almost toxic. The ironic thing is, I posted a new profile picture on my socials and I had a big old smile on my face. I took that photo on the angry day - I must have unconsciously known that I was on the right path. I wasn’t feeling it but after that self-induced miserable day, that picture is a much better representation of me. I AM happier than I’ve been in a long time, I’m able to spend more time doing the things I enjoy and my concentration has improved greatly.
Today
Years ago, when we were kids, my brother and I bought my mom a plaque for Mother’s Day that read “Today is the first day of the rest of your life!” We thought it was incredibly clever and meaningful but we really had no idea what it meant at the time; we were kids! That phrase stuck in my head and of course as I got older, I realized that it was meant to be a kind of call to action, a reminder to carpe the heck of of the diem. It’s also pretty cheesy and so appropriate for the time when we bought it (the 70’s).Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I no longer work where I’ve been for the last twenty years. That phrase is very present in my head right now and It feels especially true. I’m excited about the world of possibilities, a little nervous about all the unknowns, ready to have a little time off to disconnect. I’m looking forward to having some time for professional and creative renewal; time to explore interests and hobbies that I haven’t had the time or energy for. I’m looking forward to the opportunity to redefine myself, to figure out who I am without a work identity and who I even want to be. It’s exhilarating and frightening.
I’m also wondering how long it will take for me to let go of all the projects I had been managing or changes I’d been considering, both large and small. I had short and long term plans and they have all been living in my head. Not to mention the constant cybersecurity concerns and day to day issues and worries. It’s a little trickier for me too, because I still have a lot of connections to my former employer, family and friends that still work there. I suspect that It’s going to be hard to purge some of that from my brain, but I know I’ll get there. It was a lot of weight to carry and I’m ready for some time to rest. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
Anniversary Glamping 2025
For our 19th Anniversary, Maura and I drove to Humboldt, Kansas at the Base Camp camping/glamping area. Humboldt is a cute town, with more to do than I expected, but we are really here to relax and celebrate each other. This is a perfect spot to disconnect from daily life and reconnect with nature. The cabin is a charming, modern tiny house with everything we need. Unfortunately, it decided to rain the whole weekend, though honestly, we don’t mind - we can can hibernate with our books, a few games, and each other. The rain is really nice on the fishing pond in front of the cabin and on the two skylights. We will definitely be back, hopefully it won’t be raining next time and we can use the fire pit next to the cabin. They also have canoes and bikes that you can borrow for the pond and trails around the campground.
Happy Anniversary, Maura Cluthe! I’m so glad we met twenty-one years ago and got married two years later. Life has been so much more fun since we met!
What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up?
I read this quote the other day and added to my ever-growing list of favorite quotes:
If you want to be a grocer, or a general, or a politician, or a judge, you will invariably become it; that is your punishment. If you never know what you want to be, if you live what some might call the dynamic life but what I will call the artistic life, if each day you are unsure of who you are and what you know you will never become anything, and that is your reward.
- Oscar Wilde
I can relate to this so much. I remember when I was growing up, the thought of adulthood, independence, responsibility, all of it was so overwhelming. It is overwhelming sometimes, even at my age now but we learn to cope with it somehow. I chose Philosophy as a major in college because I had no idea what I wanted to do or who I even was. I still can’t say that I’ve figured it all out, even though i’ve been in my current job for almost twenty years. This qute flips the expectation of knowing on it’s head. It makes it okay and even desireable to not know. I’ve always thought of myself as constantly “becoming” me. I am constantly evolving; learning new things, skills, talents and dropping old ineffective ways of doing things. This is a good thing. I have always thought that life may as well be over once we stop growing and learning.
Existentialism in made for TV movies in the 70’s and 80’s
I finally watched the Mysterious Stranger movie that I rediscovered the other day. I don’t know why I was hesitant to see it again; finding it felt like the last piece of a puzzle and I guess I didn’t want to place it and be done. I remember so much of the movie so clearly. Some parts of it were even ideas I thought I had come up with myself, I had forgotten that they were part of the story. I remember watching The Miracle Worker on TV and empathizing so strongly with Helen Keller that I had a bit of an existential crisis. I was eight years old and I had my first glimpse of mortality and human limitations, but also rising above those limitations. The Mysterious Stranger had an existential message as well, but it was more subtle, it didn’t cause the same type of crisis in me anyway; maybe because I’d already confronted that reality a few years earlier.
Mark Twain’s tale has an interesting story itself. He had written three different versions, but never published them. After he died, the person that held Twain’s unpublished manuscripts, Albert Bigelow Paine, combined bits and pieces from all three versions into a book and published it as the story that Twain had intended. In 1963, scholars discovered what Paine had done and that he had heavily edited and added his own writing into the mix. In fact, the movie talks a little bit about this in the opening. The movie is based on the most complete version that Twain has written.
In it, Number 44, New Series 864,962, (also known as Satan, nephew of the fallen angel Satan in some version of the story) comes to an Austrian medieval print shop in the form of a ball of light before manifesting into a human form. He proceeds to befriend an apprentice named August and shares with him the true nature of reality all while causing hijinks at the castle. There’s a manipulative alchemist, a greedy wife, the good-hearted master, an out of shape abbot, and the print shop crew, one of which is played by a young Christoph Waltz!
Twain, through Number 44, talks about the folly of religion, the nature of good and evil and reality itself. He talks about the idea that there are two selves, a dream self and a working self. We have the ability to choose which one to focus on, or to be.
I can see why the movie had such a profound impact on me and why I’ve been fascinated by existentialism for most of my life. I didn’t know it at the time, but I’m sure it’s part of why I choose philosophy as my major in college. I have always spent a lot of time thinking. It can sometimes get me into trouble, but most of the time it serves me well.
If you’re interested, there has been quite a bit written about the stories and what Mark Twain was trying to communicate through them. Here’s an article I plan to spend more time with.