Happyness
Starting Something New: Two Bit Consulting
Today I launched a website. Wait, that sentence feels smaller than it should, let me try again.
A couple of months ago, after twenty years of working in technology at KCAI, most recently eight years as Director of Campus Technology, I found myself without a full-time job for the first time in a long time. While I’ve been helping folks with IT stuff outside of KCAI for many years, it hasn’t been an official business with its own identity. After taking a couple of weeks to come to terms with what happened, I decided I needed a project to sink my teeth into; that’s how Two Bit Consulting came to exist.
What nobody tells you about losing a job you loved is how much of yourself goes with it. Not just the work, but the identity. The morning routine. The sense of being needed, of having a place where your particular set of skills and experience actually matters. I didn’t realize how much of who I was had been wrapped up in what I did until it was gone. Getting that back, or building a new version of it, has been the real work of the last several weeks.
What I missed most was the actual work. Digging into a problem. Figuring out why something wasn’t working and making it right. Helping someone understand their technology instead of just fighting it. That feeling when a project comes together and the person on the other end of it is genuinely better off than they were before. I missed that more than I expected to.
Two Bit Consulting is, in part, my answer to that. It’s real work, IT support, fractional IT leadership, web design that Maura and I have been doing in pieces for years. Making it official felt like taking back some ownership over who I am and what I do, independent of whoever is signing my paycheck.
I want to be clear about what this is and isn’t. It’s not a pivot. I’m still actively looking for the right full-time opportunity in technology leadership. The job search is ongoing. Some days it’s harder than others. But having something concrete to build and point to has made the in-between feel less like waiting and more like working.
If you know of a technology leadership role that might be a good fit, I’m genuinely grateful for the introduction. And if you or someone you know needs their technology to actually work, or a website that looks like it was made on purpose, that’s what Two Bit is here for.
twobit-consulting.com - I had fun building it. Poke around, there are a few easter eggs to be found. One hint: Konami code.
What Was Missing
It’s been a couple of months since leaving my last job. I’d been keeping busy - learning things I hadn’t had time for, helping a few people out with tech issues - and I knew my routines had changed. What I hadn’t consciously registered was what was actually missing.
Yesterday I looked up from what I was working on and realized several hours had passed without me noticing.
That’s when it hit me.
I miss problem solving. I miss helping people figure out their technology. I miss losing time to something that makes a difference. I miss having an issue gnaw at my brain for days and then - seemingly out of nowhere - the solution arriving almost fully formed, like it had been working on itself the whole time.
I needed the break; I don’t regret it. But that moment yesterday reminded me who I am and what I’m built for - and while I’m still looking for the right full-time role, I’m not waiting around to scratch that itch.
More soon.
Happy birthday to my moustache!
Fifteen years ago today was the fist time I used wax to create my handlebar moustache. Happy birthday to my faithful companion, my face wouldn’t be the same without you!
Processing Emotions
Early last week I made a decision as soon as I woke up that I would spend the day embracing all the negative emotions around my current job situation, like giving in to the Dark Side. I spent the day pissed off and miserable. I made those around me miserable; that was mainly my wife - I was getting on her nerves by mid-day. My somewhat conscious logic was to deal with the emotions all at once, get it out of my system and begin the process of moving on. They had been a lingering undercurrent for the past several weeks and I was tired of feeling them. I walked around the house all day saying F this, F them, F that, I even cussed out my dogs if they looked at me funny, which they often do. I felt sad, angry, like a failure, like I had no future, I embraced it all; I was getting angry about being angry.
The next day, I woke up in the best mood. I was super motivated to start the online classes I had signed up for, I started thinking about other career paths that I could create for myself. I sent several emails to my network and chatted with a few people about potential opportunities. It worked! The funny thing is, I’ve felt so much better since that Dark Side day. I’m les stressed, happier than I’ve been in ages, and full of hope for the future. I had become so used to carrying that stress and those negative emotions without dealing with it that it had become almost toxic. The ironic thing is, I posted a new profile picture on my socials and I had a big old smile on my face. I took that photo on the angry day - I must have unconsciously known that I was on the right path. I wasn’t feeling it but after that self-induced miserable day, that picture is a much better representation of me. I AM happier than I’ve been in a long time, I’m able to spend more time doing the things I enjoy and my concentration has improved greatly.
Today
Years ago, when we were kids, my brother and I bought my mom a plaque for Mother’s Day that read “Today is the first day of the rest of your life!” We thought it was incredibly clever and meaningful but we really had no idea what it meant at the time; we were kids! That phrase stuck in my head and of course as I got older, I realized that it was meant to be a kind of call to action, a reminder to carpe the heck of of the diem. It’s also pretty cheesy and so appropriate for the time when we bought it (the 70’s).Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I no longer work where I’ve been for the last twenty years. That phrase is very present in my head right now and It feels especially true. I’m excited about the world of possibilities, a little nervous about all the unknowns, ready to have a little time off to disconnect. I’m looking forward to having some time for professional and creative renewal; time to explore interests and hobbies that I haven’t had the time or energy for. I’m looking forward to the opportunity to redefine myself, to figure out who I am without a work identity and who I even want to be. It’s exhilarating and frightening.
I’m also wondering how long it will take for me to let go of all the projects I had been managing or changes I’d been considering, both large and small. I had short and long term plans and they have all been living in my head. Not to mention the constant cybersecurity concerns and day to day issues and worries. It’s a little trickier for me too, because I still have a lot of connections to my former employer, family and friends that still work there. I suspect that It’s going to be hard to purge some of that from my brain, but I know I’ll get there. It was a lot of weight to carry and I’m ready for some time to rest. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
Call me sentimental, a hopeless romantic, sappy, whatever you want to call it. I feel in love with the movie Somewhere in time the first time I saw it. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it, but I pretty much have it memorized. I’ve always wanted to visit the Grand Hotel at Mackinac Island, which plays a significant role in the movie. That wish came true yesterday, kind of.
My mom, who lives outside of Detroit, is turning eighty in September, but we won’t be able to make the trip to see her then so we decided to drive up this Summer. We picked her up and drove to the UP to a nice little AirBnB in St. Ignace.
We plan to explore several places, but first on the list was Mackinac Island. It was a full day of fudge, horse drawn carriages, an old fort, and beautiful views of Lake Huron. We didn’t end up making it into the hotel, but we rode past it on a horse drawn tour of the island. Did you know that the original stucture was built in 93 days? It’s a HUGE hotel, and they built an addition in the 1980’s that basically doubled its size. It’s a truly grand hotel, over looking the Lake:
Of course we came back to the cottage and watched Somewhere in Time, which they just happened to have on DVD. Post Superman Christopher Reeves and Jane Seymour challenge the constraints of time to fall deeply but oh so briefly in love. In my opinion, the kiss is the most beautiful of all movies ever, so pure and poignant. And then there’s the paradox of the pocket watch and that dreadful penny.
Until today, I didn’t realize that I’m not the only one, there’s a whole cult following and a fan club. I might have to join!
Anniversary Glamping 2025
For our 19th Anniversary, Maura and I drove to Humboldt, Kansas at the Base Camp camping/glamping area. Humboldt is a cute town, with more to do than I expected, but we are really here to relax and celebrate each other. This is a perfect spot to disconnect from daily life and reconnect with nature. The cabin is a charming, modern tiny house with everything we need. Unfortunately, it decided to rain the whole weekend, though honestly, we don’t mind - we can can hibernate with our books, a few games, and each other. The rain is really nice on the fishing pond in front of the cabin and on the two skylights. We will definitely be back, hopefully it won’t be raining next time and we can use the fire pit next to the cabin. They also have canoes and bikes that you can borrow for the pond and trails around the campground.
Happy Anniversary, Maura Cluthe! I’m so glad we met twenty-one years ago and got married two years later. Life has been so much more fun since we met!
What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up?
I read this quote the other day and added to my ever-growing list of favorite quotes:
If you want to be a grocer, or a general, or a politician, or a judge, you will invariably become it; that is your punishment. If you never know what you want to be, if you live what some might call the dynamic life but what I will call the artistic life, if each day you are unsure of who you are and what you know you will never become anything, and that is your reward.
- Oscar Wilde
I can relate to this so much. I remember when I was growing up, the thought of adulthood, independence, responsibility, all of it was so overwhelming. It is overwhelming sometimes, even at my age now but we learn to cope with it somehow. I chose Philosophy as a major in college because I had no idea what I wanted to do or who I even was. I still can’t say that I’ve figured it all out, even though i’ve been in my current job for almost twenty years. This qute flips the expectation of knowing on it’s head. It makes it okay and even desireable to not know. I’ve always thought of myself as constantly “becoming” me. I am constantly evolving; learning new things, skills, talents and dropping old ineffective ways of doing things. This is a good thing. I have always thought that life may as well be over once we stop growing and learning.
A Few Upcoming Concerts
We have a few concerts lined up over the next few months. There is nothing live seeing a band or musician you like perform live. We’re going to see Iron and Wine in a couple of weeks at the Uptown Theater.
Then, two days later, We’re going to see My Morning Jacket at the same venue. I love the Uptown, it’s a relatively small, brightly painted old theater, we’ve seen hundred of shows there over the years. My Morning Jacket’s latest album, Is, is fantasticI’m also going to the Record Bar in May to see another favorite Messer Chups.
Messer Chups is a Russian Surf Punk band who do a lot of fun covers along with originals. They are a blast to see live!Small update: I forgot to mention the Nick Cave show I’m going to in May. I’ve seen him once before, he’s a fantastic musician with heartfelt lyrics. His latest Album, Wild God, is excellent.
He’s written a couple of great, though dark books and he has a newsletter, The Red Hand Files that’s worth subscribing to. I can’t wait for this show! It’s at the Music Hall at Memorial Hall - I haven’t been there in decades!Relaxing
I’m enjoying some fresh pipe tobacco from a local shop I found and reading Fevre Dream on the patio or our B and B. Trying to not think about work. Most of the museums we wanted to are closed today, so we decided to take it easy. Maura’s inside painting, listening to music. Maybe it’s a hint of what retirement might look like!