Something Out of Nothing

The night before I went back to work after six weeks of recovery, Lucy woke us up pacing and panting. No matter how much we pled with her she would not settle down. I finally got up and took her out at 2:00 AM. We came back in and she settled down a little bit, but she was still acting funny.

The next morning I felt okay, no headache, if a little tired. I went to work intending to work a full day. I did okay until about 2:30 when I finally succumbed to a headache that had brewing all day. I came home and Lucy was acting even weirder. She was panting, pacing, and walking in circles; she seemed a little off balance. I finally called the vet and they were able to get her i right away. The doctor gave her a clean bill of health, she’s in great shape! I didn’t opt for any blood tests, I figured if she didn’t settle down within a couple of days, I’d bring her back.

I’m glad I took her to the vet, better safe than sorry, but since she was in fine shape, the only alternative was that she was having doggy panic attacks. She’d gotten used to me being around all the time and somehow she knew that I was going back to work the next day. I knew we had a neurotic dog; I didn’t realize it was quite that bad. She’s doing much better today; she knows that I will be coming back. It helps that Maura is going to be around more now that school’s out too. It makes me wonder if Luna is tormenting her when we’re not here!

I came home early again today with a stabby headache. I know everyone told me that I should take it slow, start back with a week of half days, but I was really hoping I’d just be fixed and that’s it. The new drugs are helping, but I’m also trying to be a lot more active than I’ve been in almost two months. It seems that I’m going to have to ease back into reality.

The new drug from the neurologist seems to be working! I haven’t had a headache all day - even the nagging little background headache that’s tolerable but annoying! I’m still pretty tired, but the neurologist said that that side effect would fade in a few days. I definitely have a much better understanding for what it’s like to not be a morning person.

I’m hoping to get back to work next week - I’m still waiting on word from my doctor. I’m amazed at how good I feel - living with that kind of pain for that long and then not feeling it all of a sudden. I’m listening to music again! I’m so freakin’ happy!!

I just met with the neurologist. I passed all of her neuro-tests with flying colors, which means there is no new reason for the headaches. They are simply a result of my brain dealing with the embolization. As she put it “Your brain is mad at you.” She prescribed some painkillers for when it’s really bad and something else that should help with the pain long term. We’ll spend a week or two figuring out the proper dosage of the new drug.

I am, of course having another bad headache now after going to the doctor and then the pharmacy. Every time I try to be even a little more active, I get these headaches - it’s beyond frustrating. She said it could take a few days for the new drug to really start helping. She generally prefers to have patients start it on a Friday night so they have the weekend to get used to it. Since I’m not working right now, I can start it tonight.

The good news is, I should be feeling somewhat normal again soon!

New albums I’ve missed that looking forward to finally hearing:
Damon Albarn’s Everyday Robots
Liam Finn’s The Nihilist
Lykke Li’s I Never Learn
The Pixies’ Indie Cindy
tUnE yArDs’ nikki nack
The Horrors’ Luminous
The Eels’ Cautionary Tales of Mark Oliver Everett
The Black Keys’ Turn Blue
Tobacco’s Ultima II Massage

Books I’ve read:
Nick Harkaway’s The Gone-Away World
Richard Kadrey’s Sandman Slim, Kill the Dead, and Aloha from Hell
Jeff Vandermeer’s Annihilation and Authority
Daniel Suarez’ Daemon and Freedom

Comic series I’ve consumed from beginning to end:
Runaways
Y, The LastMan
Invincible
Federal Bureau of Physics
Grindhouse - Doors Open At Midnight
Guardians of the Galaxy
saga
The Sandman Overture
Revival
Morning Glories
I also got all caught up on The Walking Dead

I think I’ve read a lot more comics than books because they are so much less work to concentrate on. I remember at one point when I was reading Sandman Slim - I was on both steroids and painkillers, a I could actually hear what was going on in the scenes. Not only the main action, but stuff that my brain made up for background noises. I’m sure the lack of sleep enhanced the hallucinations too. It was kinda cool.

This is one of my favorite times of year at The Kansas City Art Institute. The campus is filled with a frantic creative energy. I’m really bummed to be missing it this year. This weekend is the end of semester shows, all of the departments on campus get to show off the top work of their students, much of it for sale. We always find a few treats, and this year was no exception.

I did manage to get out for a little while of Friday night to see a few departments. My friend Erich and I met my coworkers just before five in our offices in Mineral Hall. When I got there, they were acting a little strange, like they didn’t want me to see something. I just wanted to go back and see my desk because it’s been so long, but they were subtly trying to get me out. I managed to sneak past and found this:

It was very good to get out and catch up with a lot of the faculty, staff, and students at KCAI. I feel very lucky to work with such great caring people - no other job has felt so much like home.

Maura and I went back on Saturday so that she could see the shows, since she spent Friday night in Illustration. My head paying the price for being out Friday night but it wasn’t as bad and I had feared it would be. It’s mostly a lot of pressure with stabbing pains every once in a while. Several times Friday night, I would cringe mid-sentence, the pick up where I left off; I’m sure it looks strange. Saturday was the same, although later in the day it was getting worse, with more constant headaches. This morning is much the same. I slept okay last night, although I woke myself up out of zombie dreams several times. I’m sure I’ve developed a higher tolerance after six weeks of headaches. I’m really hoping to get back to a somewhat normal life next week. I see the neurologist on Monday and I hope to go back to work by the middle of next week. I’m anxious to hear what suggestions the neurologist will have for me.

I’m in my sixth week of recovering from the DAVF embolization - sitting around at home doing very little. The few times I’ve gone out, I’ve paid for it later with worse headaches.

I hate to complain, there are times that six weeks of nothing sounds dreamy, but I’m more than ready to get back to real life. As much of an introvert as I am, I miss being around people - I think I’m pretty much fully recharged at this point. I must admit, it took four weeks for me to rally start getting stir crazy. Though I was pretty drugged up for the first three.

As long as I take it easy, the headaches are tolerable. It’s when I try to do much of anything that they get bad. If I can find something to concentrate on, I can tune them out. I’ve been reading a LOT. I lost count of how many books and comics I’ve read over the last few weeks. Also, some TV shows and movies, when I can tolerate the sound. One thing I miss a lot is listening to music. There have been several new releases that I have queued up, but haven’t been able to listen to without pain.

I see a neurologist on Monday, less than a week away now. I’m really hoping that she can help me deal with the pain.

I just talked to my neurosurgeon’s office about the MRI I had on Monday. My doctor said everything looks great. Unfortunately, I’m still having the headaches. They have referred me to a neurologist who will help me with pain management. Hopefully they’ll be able to help and I can finally rejoin society!

I spoke with my neurosurgeon’s nurse practitioner today. They’ve scheduled me for an MRI and an MRA on Monday to hopefully figure out why I’m still having these dang headaches. I should have the results pretty quickly, my neurosurgeon wants to look at them before he leaves town next week.

We just got back from meeting with the neurosurgeon. He’s prescribing yet another round of steroids. Basically, my brain is having trouble dealing with the major changes caused by the procedure. He told us that the impact of the fistula was one of the most extensive he’d seen - a lot of veins in my brain were affected by it. He’s still pretty sure he got it all, but I’m going to have another arteriogram in six months to make sure.

My brain is having to deal with some major changes and it’s not happy. The steroids reduce the swelling which helps with the headaches. In the images he showed us, before and after, you could see a serious decrease in blood flow in the affected areas. The difference was drastic. I could also see the area that he glued.

If I’m still having headaches after the this third round, I’m going to schedule an appointment with a neurologist to develop a strategy to deal with the pain. He said it’s possible that I’ll be dealing with these for an extended period of time, possibly the rest of my life.

Today in the waiting room with all of the sounds, people talking, coughing, sneezing, phones ringing, etc. was nothing short of torture.

Due to continuing headaches, I was prescribed a second round of steroids. I’m on day three of the second round and I’m still battling some crazy piercing headaches, like needles stabbing through my brain. I’ve been trying to wean myself off of the painkillers, since I was almost out of them, but they just prescribed another round.

The neurosurgeon told me I would be dealing with headaches, but I don’t think it’s typical that they persist this long after the procedure.

I’m really starting to feel weird about not leaving the house in two weeks. I’ve been reading a lot of books and comics, when I’m able to concentrate long enough. I’ve also gotten caught up on Dr. Who. Galifrey Lives!

Don’t tell HR, but I’ve been helping my coworkers a little bit via email. Twitter and Facebook are also helping me not feel totally isolated from the world. I’m hoping I’ll be able to rejoin society soon!

I want to thank Maura and my mom and everyone that’s brought treats by for keeping me from gnawing on table legs; the steroids make me ravenous. I’m sure I’ll have gained about 20lbs by the time I’m feeling better.